Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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