And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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