she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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