And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Everclear isn't food dammit
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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