I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
