running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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