we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
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I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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