I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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