i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Less talking, more tequila
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
