I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
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I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
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My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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