saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea