VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.