I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.