Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.