So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
