i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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