bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
