Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
