Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
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I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
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Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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