Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
