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I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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