This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
