Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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