I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
