How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
