I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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