i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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