i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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