If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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