Betty ford says i'm here all night
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
