Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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