I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
