He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
