party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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