ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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