not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
