I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
