You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
