That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
