I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Drake has all the answers
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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