bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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