After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
