we have pet lesbian snakes
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
