Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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