I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
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