dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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