So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
