oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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