His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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