This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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