They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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