dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
