That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
