it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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