I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
