I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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