Ambien. No doubt about it.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
someone owes me an orgasm
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
