is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
