when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
