I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
