You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize