The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
