i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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