remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
