All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
