Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If I die, sorry about rent.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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