I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
