What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I think my vagina is haunted
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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