I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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