I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
