He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
