This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
