im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
